Today is three years since Ton took his last breath. There are days when I cannot believe it has ONLY been three years, while other days feel like it was a lifetime ago.
He has been gone longer than he suffered.
If I am honest, I feel a more profound and stronger pull on my heart as time goes on. I am not sure if it is because I look at my children and notice how much has changed in that timeframe, how much I am have changed, but year three feels harder than year two, harder than year one.
Today my post is to everyone who feels that things need to be okay because of time.
Have you watched the Miles Morales Spider-Man? If not, you should. Also, listen to the soundtrack; it does not disappoint. I have always loved a quote from Miles in the movie: “Einstein said time was relative, right? Maybe I’m not late. Maybe you guys are early.”
Maybe your punch in the gut came early; perhaps it is coming late, maybe it came right on time? Is there a right on time?
I have struggled far too long with the idea of grief and time. As if my grief should just fade at a certain point, and life should become all butterflies and rainbows.
In the simplest of explanations, Einstein taught us that the rate of how we determine time passes depends on the frame of reference we are using to determine time.
The college class never seems to end.
The movie your toddler needs to watch over and over.
The nights that your newborn will not sleep.
Those are the moments that time feels like it will never end.
Those feel very different from the moments you enjoy, the moments you want to hold on to, and the memories that you ask yourself if time can slow down as they pass.
I mean, even Beyonce has the same 24 hours in a day as we do, but we judge what she can get done as if she has more time on her hands.
Why do we need to start and end grieving passed on the idea of time? How can we put an end date on the moments, the memories, the feeling of loss?
As the clock continues to tick and the dates on the calendar increase since our last, I am releasing the invisible pressure I have placed on myself that things need to be more at ease.
If you are grieving the loss of ANYTHING, ANYONE, ANY aspect of your life that once brought you joy, I hope that you, too, can release that invisible pressure.