In full transparency, this is my second time writing about boundaries because, to be honest, I am HORRIBLE at them.
But, it is a new year, a fresh, clean slate, and a better understanding that just because one side of a situation might not need them does not mean it is fair to the side that does.
My dad was one of eight; my mom was one of five. Growing up with one sibling, you would think that we would be a pretty quiet family, and for my brother, that reigns true, but we grew up as a loud Irish- Croatian family.
The concept of boundaries and the volume of our voices is so foreign to us that dinner conversations would make most people fall off their chairs, which I often forget.
Christmas dinner was a house full of easily 40 people; family parties ended up as sleepovers, and we can all argue till we are blue in the face, turn around, and make sure that person is ready for dessert.
We know no boundaries. We are the in your face, in your problems, let me fix the world type of family.
But, not everyone is like that.
I concept I forget….often.
The first time I sat down to write about boundaries, I explained their importance and why establishing limitations and boundaries with others, especially while caregiving, is essential.
By the end of it, I could not even reread it because I knew how hypocritical I was to try and explain the importance of a topic that I cross the line of DAILY.
I am a fixer.
A good thing? A bad thing? It depends on the day.
But as a fixer, I see no problem overstepping in a situation if I think I can fix it better because I am also a perfectionist.
So, where does my brain go in any situation? The game-on mode tells itself that the only way to make this situation better is by myself.
Give me a good fight or flight moment any day. I will come in like Mary Poppins and pull things out of my bag to solve any issue and make anyone else’s life easier, but I will cross every boundary and line ever set in place as a defense mechanism.
But, why do I have a defense mechanism for a flight or flight situation? Probably because I do not have any boundaries myself.
I hate confrontation.
I hate to say no.
I love to make others happy.
But guess what, most people do too. But most people also have boundaries and know how to ask and respect those concepts.
So, with boundaries can come an easier understanding of not only others but also myself? I now realize why others have been doing this their whole lives.
At the beginning of each year, I like to give a theme song for the year ahead—a fresh slate to do and become the best version of yourself that you set out to become.
Music is something that can easily take me back to a moment in time, a memory, a feeling, a reminder.
2022’s Theme Song- Chris Stapleton Parachute
Chris Stapleton states,” “Parachute” is a love song where the character promises to be there for his lover. He will do anything to make her happy and will be her crying shoulders when she needs one.”
In 2022, I will be there but will also allow others to come to me when needed and not cross the boundaries to fix the areas that I am not called to bring my Mary Poppins bag to make better.
We have 365 blank pages.
A blank slate. A fresh you to become, to grow, to create.
I challenge you to think of a theme, a song, a word to represent this volume of your life.
Who do you want to become this year?
Who is the version inside of you that you know you can release?
The version I hope to release is much like a parachute. When a person is wearing a parachute to jump out of a plane, they often forget that you are pulled back quickly for a moment before you can enjoy the view.